My struggle with Infertility

When I first wrote about Pregnancy, my husband and i had been trying to concieve for over 2 years. I didn't know then that my life would be full of struggles trying to concieve.

I remember when i would sit and cry because my menstral cycle would start again, i would cry for hours and hours on end. My heart just broke at the very thought that i failed my husband in a time when he needed me the most. I love him, and i just wanted to make him a daddy. That was my number #1 Goal, nd i knew one way or another i would make it happen. My husband and i talked and we decided to go to the doctor to figure out what was wrong with us, and why we couldnt concieve. I was scared to go to the doctor because i would have to face the reality that something was wrong with me. I knew it was me, my cycles were never regular, and i just knew it.My husbands results came back completely normal. I had already felt liek such a let down to him, and i started to get depressed. It got so bad that we started to lose our faith in each other, and we lost our sense of what we wanted in this relationship. He begain to drift away from me, and started talking to other people. That hurt me so bad. I felt like i wasnt ment to live a happy life, and i accepted the fact that i would never be a mother. One day i was researching online and stumbled across an article about God and i read it. From that very instance i decited to put all my trust in God, I gave him my whole heart, and i asked him for forgivness, and that he would help my husband and I to find out love again. Most improtantly I asked him to heal me so that I could be a mother.

 I went through a battery of tests and pelvic exams. Sure enough the dr. confirmed it was me. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This syndrome effects the release of the egg from teh ovaries and pretty much stops a woman from ovulating ( which was exactly what was going on with me ). When they did an ultarsound to confirm their diagnosis i remember thinking to myself oh my goodness i will never be a mother, i kept getting anxious and i remember breaking down in tears at the very thought of my motherhood being taken away from me. When the dr. had me look at the screen i could see i had Pcos my ovaries were full of little black cycst, it looked like a petosky stone to me, full of holes and bumpy. Although it was a great learning experience to me it was also a devastating thing for me to see. As the doctor was explaining things to me, my whole world went black, and the doctors voice began to get very faint to me it was just me and my thoughts, everything else was silent to me. I didnt know what my next step was I was so scared. The doctor had mentioned that I try to regulate my cycles and prescribed me provera. I took it for 8 months and nothing happened. Finally, i went back and talked to her, she then prescribed me clomid. Clomid is a fertility drug that aids in ovulation. I took the Clomid and waited, all my pregnancy tests kept coming back negitive, January 4, 2012 it was negitive. I remember sitting in our bathroom bawling my eyes out, and asking God "why", I swaer i heard a voice tell me it's going to be ok, and to retest in a few days. So i did.

January 8, 2012. This Rainy morning  I went into the bathroom and took a pregnancy test, expecting it to be negitive i just threw it in the trash. Well, my mom was visiting and she noticed it sitting on the top of the trash, and it was Positive! After months of pryaing and asking God for forgiveness, he granted my wish! She walked out of the bathroom and said " why didnt you tell me your pregnancy test came back positive?" I told her waht are you talking about , and she showed it to me. I was so excited, she hugged me and i took another one...... positive! Itook 4 that night all positive so i called my doctor and I asked for a Blood test to confirm pregnancy. It came back positive 55 was my number, i was still newly pregnant :D..... Its been 2 weeks, I am now 6 weeks pregnant and i have my frist Ultrasound Feb 24, and im super excited. Daddy is going to muss it because he's Overseas but my Doctor is going to tape it for him so i cannot be happier. I am really blesses. Ladies please keep your head up , if you are not  a daugther or God please find your way to him i really believe that finding him i fell pregnant! Our miracle baby is due October 20, 2012!